This silliness appeared on the Chicago Tribune's editiorial pages on 1/22/2009, two days after Obama's inauguration.
I am filled with optimism and dread for the Obama presidency. All our hopes and expectations riding on those skinny shoulders! How can he accomplish it all? How can he help but disappoint? Think of all that we want him to do. The list is impossible.
First, there are the high priority Big Things he has already promised to do: He needs to get the country's checkbook balanced, catch Bin Laden and turn the lights out on those ugly wars, patch things up with our friends and neighbors, clean out the basement in Guantanamo, inflate the tires and squeeze more mileage out of Detroit, chill down global warming, get those schools left behind onto the bus, make sure we all can afford to see a doctor, and for extra credit, create a college football playoff.
Then there are the Other Things. We all have our lists. Here's mine:
Install self-melting sidewalks.
Ban leaf blowers, subscription cards that fall out of magazines, chain email, car alarms, artificial turf, donut sized spare tires, and the phrase "no offense but".
Ban cell phones on trains, in cars, restaurants, theatres, and elevators.
Come over and help me with my 1040.
Teach PC and Mac people to get along.
Require bloggers to go to journalism school.
Help me remember my wife's birthday.
Dump the electoral college.
Require that you have your cash ready when he gets to the front of the line.
Set the minimum sentence for failing to clean up after your dog at one month picking up poop in Lincoln Park.
Roll back prices on popcorn in movie theatres.
Make websites prominently display "contact us" info.
Can the spam.
Help Joe the Plumber get a license.
Put all wine in easy open containers.
Bring the 2016 Olympics to Chicago, but make Mayor Daley personally guarantee any losses.
Clean up rap videos.
Ban all forms of torture except for the guys who write political ads.
Tell Meathead what you think, or ask him a question
But please, please, please read this first:
1) Please use the sitemap or the search box, at the top of every page. There's a good chance the answer is already on this site.
2) Please read this article about thermometers.Chances are your thermometer is the problem! I cannot help you troubleshoot unless you tell me that you are using a digital oven thermometer at meat level (not in the lid), and/or a digital meat thermometer. You simply cannot believe your grill's built-in bi-metal dial thermometer. They are often off by as much as 50°F!
3) Please tell me everything I need to know to answer your question.
4) Please don't ask me "What grill (or smoker) should I buy?" Read my Buyer's Guides and follow the links. I've shared just about everything I know on those pages. I cannot pick the right cooker for you any more than you could pick the right car for me. But I've explained everything you need to know to make your decision.
AmazingRibs.com is all about the Zen of barbecue, grilling, and outdoor cooking, with great BBQ recipes and techniques: Barbecue baby back ribs, spareribs, pulled pork, beef brisket, steak, burgers, chicken, smoked turkey, lamb, barbecue sauces, rubs, and side dishes, with the net's best buying guide to barbecue smokers and grills. It is written, photographed, illustrated, and coded solely by Meathead.
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GrillGrates are the best new product I have tested in years and the best thing to happen to beef since salt and pepper. The base superheats, eliminates hot spots, smokes, and blocks flareups. This is the concept behind the expensive new infrared grills. Click here for more about GrillGrates.
The Smokenator:
A Necessity For Weber Kettles
If you have a Weber Kettle, you need the amazing Smokenator and Hovergrill. The Smokenator turns your grill into a first class smoker, and the Hovergrill can add capacity or be used to create steakhouse steaks. Click here to read more.
ThermoWorks Pocket Thermometer - No More Guessing
A good thermometer is why I never serve overcooked or undercooked food. No more guesswork. This one has a very thin tip with a tiny thermocouple so it gives an accurate reading in just six seconds. I cannot recommend it more highly. It will improve your cooking overnight. And it is inexpensive. Click here for more about thermometers.
This link takes you to Amazon.com and tags anything you buy with my affiliate code so I get a small referral fee. It works on anything from grills to diapers and it has zero impact on the price you pay. Low prices, fast delivery (often free), good refund policies, and often there is no sales tax, are the best reasons to buy from Amazon.com, but clicking on that link before you shop helps me devote more time and money to you. Thanks!
This silliness appeared on the Chicago Tribune's editiorial pages on 1/22/2009, two days after Obama's inauguration.
With a $25 donation you'll get a 100% cotton brushed twill adjustable low profile cap with the AmazingRibs patch sewn on. I'll even toss in a small bag of 
